Recently I was working with a new client who has never been to therapy before. Often, a question is, so like how does this work? How does simply talking about your feelings work? I had another client ask a similar question- "so, you're just saying to feel my feelings? " Yep. In that moment that is exactly what I was saying.
So how does it work? How does going into an office, a space, an environment to talk about your feelings or even feeling them help things? In therapy there are a few key components I like to tell clients, especially those who are first timers. It is that therapy is simply one hour a week, maybe two hours a week, maybe one hour every month- which in reality is not much time. It is up to you, the client, to ensure you are using the skills outside of that one hour session in order to make the biggest difference. Therapy is very individualized and personalized and so there is also no one real answer with how, you know, this 'therapy thing' works. For example, one person may need therapy to validate their feelings and experiences which may be enough to make a positive change and influence on their mood. Another person may need structured sessions with workbooks to visualize their thinking patterns, another may need handouts to bring home as a reminder after session. It depends on each person's learning style, communication, as well as what their therapeutic goals are.
So how does it work? It works by collaborating with the therapist to identify what you want to focus on. For example, it is common for an individual to come to therapy because of a specific event; ie a break up, a move, a loss, and often times therapy can then take several different paths. What may have started as validation for feeling sad about a breakup may lead to recognizing self worth and emotional needs. Both paths are necessary, valid, and important yet they may look very different. Initially the therapeutic environment may look like just talking about feelings where then it leads to more structural discussions about healthy relationships. There are several different therapeutic techniques that can influence sessions and 'how they work' yet it is all based on your therapeutic goals. Processing trauma will look very differently than couples therapy which will look very different to managing anxiety which will look very different than managing co-parenting. Unfortunately there is no straight answer to how exactly therapy works, as it is more of a question of how do you want therapy to work. What do you want to address and what is the best structure for you and the therapist.
No, that is not the most satisfying answer as all I am saying is it depends. However, I often ask my clients how will they know they have made progress, what would they like to see from themselves, which gives them the control and direction while I assist in that path. There is not one specific answer to the question of how therapy works, but there are plenty of options to customize it to your needs which makes it ever changing.
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